Caligula's Launderette

This is a nice, I quite liked it Emo. Though the line in red Colleen is talking about is not proper grammer. It should be: but laying there before dawn... ...

Welcome to YWS, hon. If you have any questions or anything, feel free to PM me. Let's get on to the crit. 1. SPELLING . There are quite a few ...

Wow, it's like Lovecraft and Mary Shelley had a baby. I love it! I can't even pick out a favorite, cause I'd just quote it all. Silly people not saying ...

Hello Mr. Everyone, Welcome to YWS, dear, considered yourself SPEWed. When I read this, it seems almost fragmented; as if the three stanzas are actually three different poems, there doesn't ...

Was this originally centered? Because your linebreaks seem all off to me in this left alignment. But beyond that, I really like this poem. My favorite parts: It scribbles away ...

Hi carelessaussie, I actually like your rhythm, it feels like a slow, waltzy dance to me. First, is Rounding (L1) a proper word in this context? Well, I guess it ...

Um, but the symbol of the pig is huge! The central motif in The Lord of the Flies is the pig's head on the stick, stuck in the ground like ...

Hello Pandora. (I can call you that, can't I?) I think you have the start of something, you present to the reader, a narrator that we could relate to, would ...

Hmm, because I haven't critiqued poetry properly in ages. S1, L1-L2 The rhythm seems wrong, perhaps just a re-shuffle of phrases. I know it would disfigure that set of rhyme, ...

Oh, I love it! - Your wording, and capture of a common event is, hmm, what's the word - kenetic. I can feel it, I can taste it, I can ...

Why Jason? Jason and the Argonauts? the storm, we realise, abides not only at sea but rages in the off-key beating of two hearts. - Wow... I love it. I ...

Sorry, hon, if I came off bad in the chat. So here's some things to mull over. WHAT I LIKED The game was uberly cool and the fact that Jane ...

Hm, a jerky beginning, though I don't think you should get rid of the first line(s), just revise and tweak them a little. I suggest somesort of rewrite like this- ...

Beautiful, hon. My one nitpicky thing is that beer doesn't seem to go with the rest of the diction; maybe mead would work better. she is just another grain of ...

Hahahaha, ZOMG we rule! You just made my day, no my week. :D Heehee, Easy Company makes me think of Curahee. I laughed really hard at the exchange between Xan ...